Stepping into the Light

June 9, 2019

This whole thing is new to me.

I am generally a private person. I prefer to work on my projects in secret, whether it be my next big web project or a new personal undertaking. I would rather surprise people with the results than bring them along for the ride.

But this whole process of writing, publishing, marketing... It's all new. It requires me to open up a bit more. It begs me to be more transparent. Really, it is all just an extension of what writing has been to me for the past 15 years - a chance to open up and spill a glimpse of my inner dialogue into words.

My thoughts tend to jump around sporadically from idea to idea, something like this:

^ Actual video of me chasing my thoughts around.

Like the guy in the video, I do my best to hold on to all my thoughts (ahem, lights) that are constantly popping up all over the place. Unlike the guy in the video, I'm not usually as good at corralling these thoughts.

This is why writing is so special to me. It gives me a chance to sit and focus on one train of thought. It empowers me by giving me all the time I need to hone in on a thought and hand-pick the words that best describe what I'm trying to say. There is no rush. There is no pressure. It has just been a calming way to unload some of the flashing lights in my mind onto a page, where I can revisit them later.

But now, as I approach the final stages of publishing my thoughts in the form of a book, I grow increasingly self-conscious. My writing has been sufficient for me so far - I have been able to capture my thoughts and feelings in a way that I can understand them - but will others feel the same? Will the words resonate with anyone but me?

I am not usually one to dwell upon the opinions of others, but through this venture I feel inherently exposed. The words that I previously used as a shield will now be the first impression many have of me.

Still, perhaps it is the best impression I can give. These thoughts have had time to simmer. I have tweaked these words to my satisfaction. When I look back on some of my personal stories, I smile in pride -  the emotions preserved in those words flood back to me. If even one other person can relate to one of my stories, I will be glad at having published them.

It is about time I give these stories a chance to thrive, rather than resign them to death in the confines of my mind.

So here I go - with a deep breath and a big step forward.

I thank all my friends, family, and supporters for the kind words so far. They are immensely encouraging and helpful.

Please stay engaged and involved. Keep me accountable. I know my tendency - I tend to pivot away from a project before reaching the end. It's a bad habit of mine - I'm always chasing a new flashing light...

I hope by announcing publicly my intention to publish, I will stay true to that goal.

I guess there's only one way to find out.